Burn Out

Today I made it out to run, but it was not nearly the run I planned.  My initial plan (made ages ago) was to do 5 miles.  As I walked laps in the parking lot to warm up I debated between 3 and 5 miles...primarily based on the argument that it was (is) hot humid and I was (am) tired.  Really really tired.  And I forgot my hat.

Conflicted parking lot selfie.

 I finally came to a compromise and decided to run 3 miles at a highly optimistic race pace of 9 min/mile.  The first mile I was pouring sweat and working hard but felt pretty good.  I finished it in 9:18 which I figured was good given the conditions.  Then my Nike+ app crashed.
Now usually when it crashed it just stops the workout and you lose the distance and time while it was crashed.  Oh no, not this time though.  This time it added 3 miles to what I had already done.  It said I had run a km in 00:00.  My average min/mile was less than 3.  Apparently Nike wants me to go to the Olympics.
After this fiasco, I restarted the run and told myself I would just do 2 more miles.  About half a mile in I lost the last of the teeny tiny bit of resolve I had started with and decided I would just walk back to my car.
I stopped by the lake and sat on a bench.  I watched the turtles and fishes playing in the water. Or eating, but I like to think of it as playing.  I watched some squirrels running in circles and leaping through trees.

The little guy on the back of the bench only had half a tail!

I watched the sun set over the lake. 

 

More than anything I gave myself permission to sit and do nothing.  I was surprised by how difficult it was; I wanted to constantly be doing something. Anything.  There were things to write, people to talk to and information to look up.  My cell phone connects me to everything in the word at a moments notice...what they don't tell you is how hard it becomes to disconnect.  When I did, however, I was able to do a lot of reflection on my life in general.
Today I did not discover the meaning of life, but I was reminded that my life has meaning.

Tomorrow I'll try again and hopefully my love for running will return :)